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 Profile views: 1565Last login: 01/22/2008Last upload: 07/15/2007
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| My tuesday morning thought's |
Posted Jun 26, 2007 at 4:03 pm |
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I'd like to thank my 'ccfa Jade walkathon team'.
Thank you Brian for the many hour's you gave toward's the team - coming directly from your heart ,and the t-shirt design totally rocked,I appreciate ALL you're help throughout the year.Without you- the team would not be the same. Thanks to all my sponsor's, all my supportive friends.I thank Liz (Rickie's wife) for being brave and traveling to VT to walk on my team in memory of her husband and spending time with me for an extra couple days, I thank Kim & Dan for joining my team (1st ccfa walk for them) and the very nice cookout on sunday. I thank David Place from CCFA for his effort's and energy all year.
I truly want to thank Michelle Ballard (Melinda's mom) for putting together the most inspiring CCFA walkathon known to me and its the one walk I look forward to ,all her time throughout the year and the awareness she pour's into the community reflects on the women she is,thank you kindly, Michelle.
Again -let me thank my VT.Team ~ Liz, Angela, Chris, Lily, Rizzo , Matt, Brian, Kim, Dan, Rob & Bernadette & their 2 daughter's ,and last but not least 'Me', haha. I walked with my friends! Without you I would not have raised almost 3000.00 (most likely the $ amount is above that.) You - say - Let's do it again. Right !!
I rolled out of bed at 6a, debating at first the merits of sleeping another hour. I've instead decided to get up and do a lot of stretching and relaxing before I throw myself headlong into the fray once again.
So, if you wonder why I've been writing completely pointless shit for the last couple of weeks, it's because I've been at a fever pitch for a few months now and my mind's been approaching themonuclear-meltdown phase.
"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us,we often find that it is those who,instead of giving advice,solutions, or cures,have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand."
I can't predict the course of how Liz will grieve the loss of her husband ,or how she's managed to make it through each day since Rickie's death, because everyone's journey is so unique. What I do know ..is she's brave,she's courageous,and she's stronger than most of you realize. Take my word.
However, if 'we' allow ourselves to feel and appropriately express the complete range of emotions as they arise - sadness, loss, loneliness, anger, emotional etc. - most of us find the intense pain eventually recedes and we become able to think of our lost loved one with tears each time! Without tears ... even, at times, with joy. Spiritual beliefs about the nature of life and death can also provide comfort and guidance, although it's completely normal to miss being able to see and talk to someone "in the flesh" even if we believe his or her spirit lives on and that we will eventually see them again in another form.Its a tricky emotion ! Whatever route Liz's healing journey takes her on , I wish her nothing but healing and continued support ,each day brings her a small sprinkle of peace to fill the void in her heart. I do not know what it's like to be a 'widow' but I have some common emotion's that tell me it's tough ,it hurts alot and " Being a widow " is grief that changes ALL of life in an instant and the grief really, really hurts. Grief is inevitable.
Rickie's worst year of his life detailed with suffering the pain and the ignominy of a severe bout of Crohn's,the last 6 + months of his life - the disease almost completely disabled him , isolated him from work and simple enjoyments of living his life,he suffered the capricious and excruciating pain of Crohn's with incredible grace and valor.A light went out in Liz's life. When Rickie died, his family and friend's lost a truly inspirational man, a leader, and one true soul who was such a part of their lives. Liz also lost her best friend. I know Liz has been grieving privately the past several weeks and she's surrounded by a couple close friends and family,I wish I lived closer to her,but I don't.
Despite the enormous challenges Rickie faced each new day, he awoke with focused determination and a remarkable zest for life. He was able to keep going because he had the support of his wife, his loved ones ,and because he had hope - hope that one day science would bring new treatment option's for crohn's , one day a cure. And he truly hoped the ostomy surgery he underwent in Feb would have allowed him to heal from his long duration of a severe flare up. He understood that all journeys begin with a single step and to take that first step one needs hope.He died as he lived, with beauty, grace, compassion,hope, courage, dignity, a man of great distinction and integrity who left his mark and boundless love.
My note to my friend Rickie ~ Dear Rickie, Your strength and courage as you battled your constant illnesses was truly inspirational to all that were a witness to it. Your ''never give up'' attitude will be with me forever. You always put everyone's feelings in front of your own so that they wouldn't worry about you. Your love, your wisdom and compassion will continue to shape my life. I miss talking to you and I think of you quite often. Your sensitivity and caring for others brightened the world. Your delightful sense of humor brightened my day many times. You fought your battle with courage and dignity, and through all your pain you certainly inspired me.You were a beautiful spirit whom I always had the highest regard for. I feel blessed to have crossed paths with you. Rest in peace my friend.I will walk ,I will cry, and I will always remember.
Grieving is hard work.I think we all need to be educated in every area of grief. I write about grief. The past few years I have written a few dozen scribbles about post-death grief, believe me I am no pro. But - Writing helps me and I hope my content helps others. I walk for health. I walk to support foundation's and future research in diseases. All -- because I care about people and what they face each day ,and because I must put myself out there in this hunky world.June 22,2007 I reached out to others to help them fight back too! I want to be a part of the solution thats why I am walking in the CCFA Walkathons for Crohn's & Colitis.As a mom, a nurse, and a Crohn's survivor, I understand the true meaning behind funding and researching a cure for IBD. I was diagnosed in 2005 and once I started my recovery I felt it is (not was) my mission and purpose to help support other folks traveling this journey.We all want to live as long as we can and 'All' the walkathons will make it possible for some to be able to do that.Because I walk for you and everybody that can't walk. I can make a diffrence in the world, thats's why I'm involved with ccfa.This VT walkathon was an amazing experience, it helped me to realize many things , 1st I walked in memory of Rickie. Also how much another year of walking and fundraising and those who participate are appreciated by all who have had been affected by CD & UC, I will walk the walk and talk the talk until we find a cure. We’ve been hearing ever since we were kids, “Good things come to those who wait.” But in the case of IBD, it’s just not true. At a moment in our history when another person in the United States is diagnosed with Crohn's or Colitis , waiting is NOT an option. When approximately (estimate) of 1.5 million American's are diagnosed with the disease, patience is not a virtue. Walking is!
If there is one common denominator that unites every ccfa walker, volunteer Crew member, or Donor, it’s the belief in the power of impatience. Yes, impatience. No matter what their age, background, or physical ability, the typical ccfa walker asks not how far they have to walk or how much money they need to raise, but instead, how far can they walk and how much money can they raise, all with the purpose of eradicating IBD. An Amazing Feeling of Accomplishment. You will receive an amazing feeling of accomplishment that will stay with you from the moment you register until long after the Walk, knowing that you are taking an active role in helping in the future research of these digestive diseases.Trust me!If you ever decide to become involved - You will become a "fearless fundraiser!" When all is said and done, nearly every Walker says that the fundraising is easier than they thought it would be.Don’t be scared away, or you will surely miss the experience of a lifetime.Your enthusiasm and commitment are infectious, and people will want to be a part of your experience.I walk because my life has no purpose if I don't reach out to help others.I will continue to walk in memory of Rickie from this past walkathon - onward - forward. Step in the shoe's of my mission ~ a cure one day. In each walkathon I participate in will be in his memory,of his life with Crohn's,the struggles he endured and to bring community awareness! I will keep on keeping on. I refuse to sit back and watch IBD disease's fend for themselves,ain't happening. It feels good to become involved, trust me.
Don't Cheer for Me, Walk With Me ! If you can't walk with me , sponsor me. If you chose neither ,you're gonna hear my voice and I'm coming back to whale on yo ass.Life is precious , can you feel it ?
My dear Liz,thank you for for working with me on fundraising,its much easier to build a team and harder to build a team who's willing to put themselves out there and 'fundraise.' You traveled because your heart wanted to be at this walkathon, I admire you in ways I don't even know how to express. And spending time with me was another highlight. Fundraising is teamwork and you gave your ALL. You made a tremendous difference in the mission that ccfa has been striving for.In So many ways.Walking with 'you' was spiritual, and as you know many mixed emotions went through 'our' souls,minds,hearts,and the reality of what Crohn's disease can do to some people! Personally I believe weeping is best done together girl.Today I share your sorrow and I send my heart and my love. We'll take this Journey together .. lean on me when the grieving path is too steep to climb, or your day is twisted with good memories and deep hurt inside. What ever the storm Liz - Im here through the downpour's and the sunshine.We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere. Youre special and i've been extremely fortunate to build a friendship with you. Love ya, and I look forward to spending time with you again. Jade
To my readers and my friends , Thank you for giving grieving people the chance to have a say. I ,Yes I ... want to share 'grief ' with every body out there. A human life is always full of many ups and downs. surprises, shocks, setbacks, disappointments, gains and losses.There can be many happy moments and sad moments in every ones life. And these may be connected to anything that one desires so and attaches certain meaning to. But some times certain events change our lives forever, never to return to normality. No matter how hard we try. May be it would be correct to say that it would be considered an act of treachery to the loved one to try and replace him/her with another , just to be able to continue on in our own life as it once used to be. Fate is cruel. When it brings with it what we perceive to be benefits, we live in joy, yet in times of losses or sorrows we fall in to a simmering sadness and a feeling of eternal pain. The whole history of mankind is riddled with mystery from time memorial, whatever point of view it is seen from. Whether it is the creationists or the evolutionists. We can not get away from the fact that we are not in total control of our emotional affair's, grieving , emptiness, lonely feeling's. If we were, things would be different. And everyone would live a fulfilled life. And yet the ability to accept this simple understanding, can become impossible to digest and live up to. Some events in life are too difficult to come to terms with.People can not be replaced or changed.
"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart."
Rest in peace Rickie.
Sincerely , Jade
Date: June 26,2007
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